Bipolar Athlete: Taper vs. Bipolar Disorder

Training bud Megan and me and my big head at
our bootleg bootcamp

Last week was recovery week and this week begins the taper towards my half ironman. Despite my desperate count down to recovery week towards the end of the last intense training week, I did not end up having a very good week. I found myself slipping back into some crazy behaviors and thought patterns. Towards the end of the week I realized it was because some of the typical feelings during recovery week or tapering are very similar to the ways my disorder manifests itself.

Overeating: So in a typical training week I probably burn an estimated 7,000-9,000 calories. Which means, especially on the weekend after a long bike ride or run, I can enjoy pretty much whatever food I want and as much of it as I want. And I have found after these longer sessions especially I actually don't want to eat and have to force myself to do it -- at least at first. But during recovery week? My body is still telling me I am as hungry as during training weeks even though I am probably only burning about 2,000-3,000 calories from exercise. The result? I find myself eating more than I should which feels a lot like eating out of boredom, loneliness, and depression.
Increased Sleep: It is common during taper and recovery to feel even more tired than you do during big training weeks. And boy did I. I could not get enough sleep. Eleven hour nights and mid-day naps (thank goodness I work at home!)... and it still didn't feel like enough. One of the signs my Doctor and Therapist always say to keep an eye out for is increased sleep.
Lack of Motivation/Depression: When I was at my worst I literally would weart the same pair of sweat pants for a week, only to change them for another pair of sweat pants. Dressing myself was the hardest task to accomplish. And this week? I was a little better than that, but I couldn't manage to get myself to the grocery store to buy food let alone prepare it so I basically existed on Builder bars. Not good.
Risky Behavior: During our manic episodes, us bipolar folks are known to participate in some fun (I mean risky) behaviors -- frequently related to sex, alcohol and/or spending lots of money. Luckily, I didn't cross over into any of those things again -- unless you count my $350 order to Title Nine Sports. But I did reactivate my OK Cupid online dating profile and attempted a few dates. Yeah. That didn't work out so well.
Agitation: Are you serious? I have to write about this? Come on. Leave me alone. Learn about it yourself. I am sick and tired of having to explain my agitation to people who just don't get it. Ha ha ha.

So what part of these feelings were taper and what part were bipolar disorder?

I am going to treat the next three weeks the same way I treated the time when I was first going back on medication -- unless my symptoms are so severe that I want to harm myself, I am going to just experience them and get through them. I am going to trust they are symptoms of tapering and recovery and not signs that I am getting worse or that the bad times are on their way back. After the taper and race are done, and I start my training plan for the next race, I will re-evaluate.

Taper vs. Bipolar Disorder - BFFs (or Enemies)