Humor is my defense mechanism. Or coping method... or whatever you want to call it. Humor gets me through.
In fewer than 48 hours I will be headed into the James River for a nice 1.2 mile swim, followed by a lovely Sunday morning/afternoon 56 mile bike ride to be topped off by a quick little 13.1 mile jog.
I am only half joking at my tone. After everything that I have done and been through on my way to this goal, the race itself actually feels completely reasonable.
I received the sad news last night of a friend from the past taking his own life. I received the same news about a different friend from the past one week ago. My heart hurts. I am so sad for them and their families, but even more I am sad for them because I know just how much pain they must have been in to go through with it, because I have been there on several occasions.
It all reminds me of how close I have come to that edge in the past and how thankful I am to have the treatment, resources and support I need to make sure I don't.
In no particular order, here is what I have been through, on top of the "normal" training for 70.3 in the past six as I have prepped for this race:
- Mini-breakdown #1 -- followed by Effexor
- Mini-breakdown #2 -- followed by headmed #2 -- my best friend Depakote
- Stress fracture
- Torn calf
- Adverse reaction to birth control
- Severely Sprained Ankle
- Side effects of headmeds -- weight gain, sweating/electrolyte imbalance
- Con-man ex-boyfriend
- Flu
Oh, and did I mention I just learned to swim in Spring 2012?
I don't write this list for pity or to brag to anyone - except myself. No matter the outcome of Sunday's race, I am damn proud of myself. And the best part of all this? No matter how I do in my first long distance triathlon, it will be a Personal Record.
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My race hairdo -- Who wears it better? ME
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Britney
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Labels: 70.3, race, suicide, training, triathlon