Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Holidays = Weight Gain. Injury = Weight Gain. New headmeds = Weight Gain. Relationship drama = Weight Gain.
I have gained 18 pounds since November. Yep. 18. None of my clothes fit and I REFUSE to buy new ones.
It's tough to know exactly what is going on, because I started both Effexor and Depakote since October, both medications known for weight gain side effects. And then I got injured and couldn't work out. And then I got depressed because I couldn't work out. And then it was the holidays. And and and and and...
It is always really difficult to know what is going on in my head because the nature of it I can't trust what it tells me. I have spent many many hours and dollars (and continue to spend) on learning to handle the extremely critical and destructive personal thoughts. In this difficult time of confusion it is especially tough for me to not just say "You are fat because you are fat and lazy like you have always been. It is all your fault."
At the same time, I can't just say to myself "It's the drugs" because a.) I always feel like that is such a cop out -- adjust your diet, fix your workout and work with the side effects and b.) the drugs are really, really working in so many other ways (like I can get out of bed in the morning and I don't want to destroy myself or other people) so going off them to get my weight back down is not an option.
What's the plan? Half Ironman scheduled and paid for on June 23, 2013. Training officially starts February 18, 2013. I will try my best and that is all I can do. Look at it as an experiment. Goal is to cross the finish line smiling.